Broken-Hearted Girl
by partypplwoohoo
Summary: Kendall and Mariah belong together; she knows that, he knows that, and everyone around them knows that. But she can't accept that out of fear and he won't let her go. This is the story of their journey together and apart. Story originally posted from Tumblr. *Chapter 11 is Now Up*
1. Prologue

_Kendall and Mariah belong together; she knows that, he knows that, and everyone around them knows that. But she can't accept that out of fear and he won't let her go. This is the story of their journey together and apart. Story originally posted from Tumblr._

* * *

**Prologue**

I watched as Kendall held onto his thin raven-haired famous girlfriend as he walked ahead onto the red carpet and cameras flashed their bright lights at the couple. I was only six feet away from him and I could feel the awkward tension between us. It wasn't like people knew about us or ever would. He wanted our relationship, if that is what you would call it, to be public. I wanted it to be a secret, my management would kill me. Our yearlong romantic rendezvous would remain unspoken of and nonexistent. Its best if he stayed with his new girl, for his career sake and mine.

"Mariah, over here. Here Mariah," a reporter called as I moved my smoky chestnut eyes towards him, "How's the new movie role and is there any romance in your life". Ahh they just get straight to the point these days, those reporters. I laughed the last part off. "Uh the new role is brilliant, challenging but brilliant. I am very blessed for this opportunity. And unfortunately no, no boyfriend right now. Acting is my only love," I told them falsely smiling as I felt Kendall's eyes burning on me. Only half of that answer was true. Sure I loved acting with a dying passion but it wasn't the only love of my life. Kendall was.

When we had met, I mean formally met, we had an instant connection. I had seen him around during auditions when I was much younger but we just always passed by one another and nothing else. It wasn't until almost two years ago when I had guest starred on his TV show that we had official met. He was just then starting his career for _Big Time Rush_ and I was trying to restart my acting career from being a child and teen star. We bonded completely, well me and all the guys but Kendall and I got along greatly. The way he felt about music, I felt about acting. For us it wasn't about the fame or the fortune, it was about the art and only the art. I fell hard for him after that conversation. But I knew it wouldn't last for us, I was offered some parts, not a lot but a good amount of roles, while he was touring a lot. It was fun for me but it got serious for him. He wanted commitment and to be able to go out in public with us. I couldn't handle that and I knew my agent wouldn't go for that. Keeping our relationship a secret ached his heart, but me ending it really broke it. I never told him how much I loved him.

Kendall soon met Melissa, a actress and singer who from what I've read in magazines, touched the heart of millions with her records and graced all the teen magazines. She might be a really sweet and caring girl but she was just one of those actresses or singer, whatever she called herself, who only does what does for fame and stardom, nothing more or less. From what I heard, she had just starting acting three or four years ago. She didn't work hard enough to get where she was. She didn't act good enough to get the roles that she had obtained. She didn't love acting enough to get a place in this industry. And she sure as hell didn't love Kendall enough to hold onto his heart. Okay, okay so I am a bitter and jealous ex-girlfriend but sometimes I regret letting him go. But he's happier now and he gets to have the girlfriend who puts him before her own career. He deserves that.

—

The award show was all right; I didn't get to see Kendall or his girlfriend that much. Only when _Big Time Rush _performed and when she won her award for best cast in a television show. I was envious, truly envious of her. She had everything I wanted, movie and television roles coming in and Kendall. I wish I were over him like he was over me. I should of listen to my mother's advice. "You **CAN** have it all". But I never believed her, sure she had my dad and me and my siblings, but she was never satisfied with her job. She always dreamed of being a Photographer for National Geographic. It gave her the best of both worlds, her love of nature and her love of capturing the moment. But she gave it up to travel with her military husband and start a family. I always felt like she resented us in a way. And I always promised myself I would never let a man come in between my dream, my dream of becoming an incredible thespian, no matter how much I loved him. Now I am all alone at a hotel, while my peers are out at the award show's after party. After waiting for the hotel maid to deliver some clean towels, I decided to get them myself. As I walked down the long hall to the elevator, I admired the art that hung on the wall. I was in my own little world when someone grabbed my hand and pulled me around the corner of a little hallway just before I could get to the elevators.

"Hey," I yelled at the unknown stranger pushing him without looking at him. "Whoa, whoa. It's only me Mariah," The dirty blond smiled whispering to me, "Sorry I scared you. I just wanted to see you". I gave him soft eyes that instantly hardened. "Kendall where's your girlfriend," I asked bitterly. He squinted his eyes giving me a confused face. "She's at the after party. What does she have to do with anything," he questioned. I nonchalantly shrugged even though she had everything to do with it, her and my stupidity. He sighed and tilted his head back. "You know you were the one who broke my heart remember. I just wanted to be with you," he told me lifting my chin up to make contact with me. He gently brushed his lips to mine and tenderly kissed me. I loved the way his lips felt on mine, it made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl in the world, the only girl. I felt like I was **his** girl and I finally fit and belonged to something, to someone. That scared the shit out of me.

My tiny hand went across his face sharply and viciously. I slapped him, I couldn't believe I slapped him. "What are you doing? You have a girlfriend remember? And I'm not jeopardizing my career just so you can have your cake and eat it too," I poked at him. He was pissed and I could tell by the redness of his face and the darkness in his yellow-green eyes. "Will you shut up about your career for once and let yourself be happy. I can make you happy. And as for the girlfriend thing, it's not real. Its all for her career and mine. Look I miss you and if you want us to be private then we can be private. I just want you, so let me in," he held my hands intertwining them with his. I pulled them away. "So you're just using her for fame and nothing else. That's nice Kendall. Real nice". He opened his mouth and shrugged speechless. "I was trying to make a statement. To _YOU_. I wanted emotion from you. I wanted you to care about something other than your career or acting. I want you to care about me," Kendall practically yelled in the empty hallway. I chuckled and rubbed my blueish-black locks. "So you wanted to make me jealous". He hit the wall behind me with so much frustration that it scared me. "NO! God no! Can you stop being so fucking selfish for once? This isn't about your career or my career, or even about fame. This is about us. I'm in love you. I truly love you. Just be with me forget everything else for a minute and just let me make you happy," Kendall told me making full eye contact with me. He was sincere, he always was. I waited so long to hear him tell me that even though I always knew how he felt, but to hear it come out of his mouth was the most amazing thing ever to me. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to tell him I made a stupid mistake and I wanted to be with him. I wanted all those things. "I can't. I just can't Kendall. I gotta go". So I left him there, with tears in his eyes. Not only did I broke his heart again but I broke what was left of my heart too.


	2. Hey There Lonely Girl

**_chapterONE._**

A flash of dirty blond hair darted outside the coffee shop's oversized window distracting me from my ever so depressing thoughts. Impatiently sighing I looked down at my watch 12:15. He was fifteen minutes late. "Hey Mariah sorry I'm late. Traffic," the blond boy hastily sat down across from me giving me an identical smile that I loved so dearly. But he wasn't my blond that I was in love with.

"Kevin it's cool, you're here now. So you wanted to talk to me about something," I asked trying to get straight to the point so I could go home and mope. He smiled and went down to his messenger bag and pulled out a pile of papers neatly stacked and binded together. "Yeah I wanted to talk to you about a project I'm working on that I think you would be perfect for". He handed the script to me, which read _1600_ _Hollywood_. Interesting.

After reading the first four pages I looked up to Kevin who was patiently waiting for my response. I nodded impressed and captivated, it was a truthful and appealing story about a group of people working in the entertainment business. "Very gritty and raw. I love it. Is it a indie film your working on". Kevin licked his pink lips and smiled, liking my critique. "No more like web series. Do you think you would like to be apart of the cast," Kevin offered me. Unsure I shook my head, I'm not very fond of getting parts handed to me. I wasn't sure if he considered me for the role because of my acting skills or because I was involved with his little brother.

"Kevin I don't know. I like to get roles fair and square not because I use to see your brother. Sorry," I declared handing him back the script. Looking down he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Look Mariah this isn't about Kendall or your love life. I just feel like you the perfect fit for this character. Cassie's spicy, sarcastic, funny, and an actress trying to make it. If you don't relate to that I don't know who can. You're the best actress for this role. You know it and so do I. Just read over the script and if you decide yes just come to the cast and crew meeting next Friday," Kevin explained taking a napkin from the table and writing on it. He then handed it to me. "Here's the address. Just think about it okay". He put his hands on my shoulders reassuringly.

"So how is he," I ask looking elsewhere afraid to make eye contact. Kevin chuckled keeping his hands on my shoulders. "He's fine, a little distracted but fine. You know you can call him sometimes. He is single". I chuckled still not making any eye contact as he removed his hands. I already knew Kendall was single after doing my weekly late night check up on him online but hearing it from Kevin made it so much better. After our last encounter together five months ago I was in dying need of him like he was my addictive drug and the Internet was the best dealer I could find. "Fine I'll look over this script and if I love it I'll be at the meeting if I don't I'll catch up with you another time. I see you around Kevin". I turned to leave before my nerves started to show.

"Hey Mariah," I stopped dead in my tracks and turned, "Kendall's not the only one who misses you, we all do". Kevin smiled warmly as I nervously grinned. I missed them all too especially Kendall.


	3. No Idea

**_chapterTWO._**

521 Ambrose Street. Here we go. I opened the big heavy glass door which lead me to an oval shaped table placed in the center if the room. A pretty strawberry blond lady dressed in beautiful pastels then greeted me. She had to be in her late twenties. The lady had pale green eyes, eyes that brought my thoughts back to Kendall, who had a similar eye color. But his eyes had a glowing effect to them. They reminded me of the little plastic stars that you would stick onto your wall ceiling then turned off every ounce of light in your bedroom just to see them glow. I often teased him about them when we were dating. Leslee her golden nameplate said. "Hello Leslee can you show me to Room 103 where is".

"Just down the hall and make a right," Leslee sweetly informed me leading me to the straight narrow hallway. Hearing my heels click on the cold ceramic floor tiles, my nerves grew rapidly. I know this project is only a web show but the material was so incredible and real that it could become a web hit. Hopefully. I knew that web shows were becoming a big thing now a days and I could only hope it could be a success. _101._ I wonder who would be my cast mates? _102._ I wonder what Kevin has in store for this project. _103._ Bingo. I opened the solid black door that was labeled _Conference Room _to see a table of twelve but only nine seats were occupied. In a sea of unfamiliar faces only two were familiar. Kevin turned around returning the beaming smile I sent to him. "Mariah I'm glad you're here sit please," Kevin instructed as I sat down next to the only other face I knew. Samantha Droke, Kendall and Kevin's friend and Kendall's band mate Carlos' girlfriend or ex-girlfriend, not quite sure at the moment. I gave her a small wave and smile as she mouthed the words "Hey" back.

"We only have to wait for two more cast members and we'll get started on discussing the series. But this is Connor Barnes and he'll be assisting me with directi-". While Kevin was introducing Connor the door swing open. In came a gorgeous brunette muscular man with a million dollar smile. 'Woah' I could hear Sammy flirtatiously say and she was right. Sure he was no Kendall but he was a great substitute to look at. What character was he playing? "Oh hey Dylan glad you're here. Sit dude". Kevin and Dylan nodded towards each other as he swayed over to Sammy and my direction and took a seat across from me. He sat down and flashed me a smile that lite up the whole room. As cheesy as it sounds my heart skipped a little. He stretched his arm out towards Sammy and I. "Dylan," He stated as Sammy took his hand. She introduced herself first and then it was my turn. I took his rough but strong hand in mine.

"Maria-," before I could even announce myself to him the door swiftly open revealing a tall lanky body covered in wrinkled and hole-y clothes. I knew that body all to well. Kendall. "Sorry I'm late Kev, traffic," he explained but I knew that was a lie. When he noticed me he was taken aback some. Unfortunately there was only one seat left. The one next to me. _Please don't sit next to me. Please don't sit next to me. Shit he sat down next to me._

As I tried to keep my composure on the outside, I was fucking freaking out on the inside. Just being near this asshole and taking in his manly homey scent, my emotions was really trying to break me. But I wasn't going to let them. I wasn't going to freak out in front of all of these people and especially in front of Kendall. Damn why was he here? For Music or was it because he just wanted to spy on me? Douche.

"Okay so since everyone is here we can get started on the characters you all will play and then we'll get started on the filming schedule and location spots. Well first this show is about the hardships of making it in Hollywood. And with this series I won't to show viewers that Hollywood isn't all glamour and red carpets. I know everyone in this room can relate and understand how gritty and gruesome this business can be. Now with characters," Kevin said pulling out of a notepad, "Dylan you will be playing Patrick Donavon. Sammy your character is Tori Vines. Mariah you're Cassie O'Neill. Kendall you'll be playing Dave San-". Wait, What? I was confused and surprised. Okay more like pissed.

"Wait, Kendall's apart of this cast," I spat out a little too harsh but that was the least of my worries. I mean after being broken up for almost a year, now I have to work with him. And according to the pilot episode our characters could possibly be love interests for one another. This couldn't be happening.

"Well yeah Kendall's apart of this cast," Kevin informed me nervously as I sat back into my seat utterly surprised, "Now Shawn you'll be". I looked over at Kendall who was already looking down to the floor shamefully. As the tension was dying down in the room Kevin continued to discuss the project. If the people in this room didn't already know there was something going on between us, they do now.


	4. Friends?

**_chapterTHREE._**

I can't believe this shit. I'm working with my ex on a show and to make matters worse our characters have "love scenes" together. Stupid Kevin, got me all excited about this role and now this. Kicking the gray cement car stop, I pulled out the teal and white box and my silver lighter out of my black leather purse. Putting the stick into my mouth I shakily lite it and took one hell of a puff. Exhaling, the smoke escaped my mouth and so did my troubles. I ran my hand threw my dark charcoal hair sighing, agitated.

"You do know those things are bad for you," a voice frightening me and interrupting my thoughts. I spun around greeted by a beautiful white smile. "Oh hi. Dylan right," I asked him as if I didn't already know. He grinned and nodded strutting his way over to me. "So Kevin's brother is you're ex boyfriend huh," Dylan said revealing his British accent. I blushed a bit. It was too cute and exotic I wonder why I never noticed it earlier.

"So I take it that you're from London," I slyly asked avoiding his question. "Manchester," he chuckled matter-of-factually, "Now are you going to answer my question". Damn it he caught me. I slowly nodded concentrating my view on the smooth tar black parking lot road. "Aw too bad then," he said seductively before strutting away to go back inside the muted gray building. Watching him walk away, I took another puff to relieve myself. Not because I was stressed but because I was a little hot and bothered.

—-

I lazily laid upon my comfy big sofa in my empty lonely apartment. Sometimes I hated being in LA. It was lonely here with no real friends or family around. All my genuine friends were away in college, and there were only two, in different states. Moving around and being in show business, as a kid didn't necessarily guarantee me a lot of friends. But I was pretty lucky to find the two that I did have even if they were thousands of miles a way. I guess that's what Facebook and a phone are for.

As for family, I guess we're pretty close but I can never fully let go the anger and resentment I have towards my parents. Yes I love them and yes they are my world, but I can't stop blaming them for all my failures and misfortunes. The instability in my childhood was something I wish I could change. Being the oldest of four kids and seeing your Dad leave for war and never being sure if he'll come back alive and hearing your mother and younger siblings cry every night can turn you somewhat cold. Well that's what it did to me and now look at me. Home alone on a Friday night while watching reruns of 'I Love Lucy' eating Ben & Jerry Black Raspberry Frozen Yogurt. No Social Life or Love Life.

_Ding Dong Ding Dong._ My annoying door bell rung. I sighed slamming my B&J carton on the glass table to see who the hell it was. Frustrated I didn't even bother to ask who it was I open the door, being greeted by a pair of familiar green eyes. I immediately tried to close the concrete door. "Whoa. Come on Mariah," Kendall said trapping his foot in between my door and the frame. "Look I didn't know Kevin had casted you in this okay". I looked at him like he was a liar. "I'm being honest I swear". I let go of the door giving him access to inside my loft apartment. I folded my arms and flopped on the couch. Gently closing the door he mimicked me and sat on the other end of the couch. The awkwardness tension the both of us to the point where I felt like I was suffocating. "I-" we both said in unison then returning to our awkward silent state.

"Look Mariah I can't say that I still don't feel things between us," Kendall spoke sending chills down my spine, "But if that makes you uncomfortable then I'll won't take this part". Damn I feel like dirt now. I didn't want him to give up something he wanted. I didn't want him to let go of this role or to let go of me. As much as I wanted to be millions of light years away from him, I wanted to be near him just as bad. I loved him and he loved me but I just can't be with him. But that didn't mean I couldn't work with him. Right?

"Kendall, wait," I whispered grabbing his arm gently as he tried to get up, "I don't see the reason why we can't work together. I mean what we had is over and it's time we should move on right". The hurt look on his face told me my lie cut him deep. I decided to ease the tension a bit. "So I didn't think you enjoyed acting this much to take on another role. I thought it was all about the music," I joked as he laughed out loud. That contagious loud laugh that I loved so deeply, even if at this time it was falsely done.

"Yeah we'll acting is my first love. But I don't think I can love it as much as you do," Kendall joked as my smile quickly faded. He went to far. "Whatever Kendall". He grabbed me towards him as I tried to turn away. "Hey I was only joking. I'm sorry," he whispered softly. I gave him a small smirk without giving him any eye contact. "Mariah even though this will sting me a bit, can we at least try to be friends". I sighed deciding my decision. "We can try". He smiled sweetly at me and let out a sigh of relief. Kendall then gently wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close and tightly into him. It felt incredibly good to be in his warm embrace again. It took me a moment to reciprocate to his hug. But a moment later my tiny arms hugged him back even tighter. He smelled like he always did, like Old Spice mixed with his natural aroma. It took me back to all those times we made love. God I don't know how long this "friends" thing is going to last.


	5. You're Not Alone

**_chapterFOUR._**

"Look I know I can't make any promises that I won't hurt you, but I just want you to trust me. Is that wrong," the blond whispered lightly in my ear holding close near his warm body. I stubbornly shook my head as I tore his hands off my stiffed body. I couldn't bare to be near him, it was too much for me that tears started to escape my chocolate eyes. "It's not that I don't want to trust you because I do, it's just that I can't, not with you" I spoke as I teared up more. He scrunched his face in confusion and frustration. "Why not". "Because. Because I can't," I broke down into his arms as he held me tight yet soft. He shushed me while he stroked my newly cinnamon colored hair. I felt his body pull away from mine as I starred deeply into his wonderfully soft pink lips, wishing that they were mine. "Look I'm not asking you to make this decision now, but just know that I'm falling in love with you," he whispered as our eyes connected. Mine with utter surprise and his with genuine sincerity. In a blank of an eye our lips were locked in the most sensual yet passionate kiss I ever experienced. So much love and lust in one kiss.

"And CUT. That was great you guys. I guess that'll be all for today," Kevin loudly informed Kendall and I as he slowly released me. Awkwardness filled the air I wiped my swollen lips anxiously with my thumb. As the crew started to pack up and disappear from the set I could see Kendall looking down distracted as if he had something on his. Sighing he opened his mouth to say something but wanting to avoid him, I started to turned to exit along with the crew. I know what you're thinking. 'Oh I thought you guys were taking the friends route'. Yeah that was a failure even before it started. Too much awkwardness, unresolved issues, and more importantly unresolved feelings. These first two weeks of filming were impossible. Most of my scenes were with him and Dylan. From what I've read and filmed it seems like my character would be in a love triangle with their two characters. I've been torned between hating these love scenes between me and Kendall and loving them. Then again I've been been torned between loving my scenes with Dylan and being disappointed that they weren't with Kendall. To make long story short, I'm confused as hell about everything.

"Hey Mariah," I heard his soft silky voice call out to me as I'd just made it outside, "I was wondering could we talk for a bit". I sighed before turning around to face him. "About what," I shrugged still out of breath from our onscreen make out session. He rubbed his face a little defeated. "Just about everything. Please". His expression reminded me of an old piggy bank my Nana owned that resembled a sad hound dog with puppy dog eyes. To know that I caused his sad expression stabbed me deeply. I hated myself for that. "Sure".

"So can you make this quick I have an audition tomorrow morning," I nonchalantly told Kendall after we entered an empty and quiet unknown room. "Why are doing this," he bluntly asked me. Giving him a confused yet appalled look, I folded my arms. "Doing what".

"This. Hiding and running from me. You know I still love you but you still insisted on hurting me. And yourself". He intertwined our hands together firmly and they fit perfectly together, too perfect. I roughly yanked mine away, desperate to escape from him and my feeling for this guy who I truly love yet is too afraid to be with. I couldn't even look at him, then he would know that I AM still in love with him. "I know you still love me too".

"Oh get real Kendall. I'm over you and you need to get over me," I yelled lying straight through my teeth. Getting fed up, Kendall folded his arms and rubbed his tongue over his front teeth, slowly nodding his head. "Well when you're done playing these dumb ass games you know where to find me". And with that he walked out on me slamming the door behind him. I sighed with tears flooding my eyes slapping my palm to my head. Stupid. Why am I doing this to him. And me. Us. God I need a drink.

—xXx—

Stumbling out of the yellow taxi cab I made my way over to the familiar condos clumsily. I giggled as I fell knees first onto the grassy wet yawn. I franticly knocked onto the pale yellow door with the silver #3 planted on it. I knocked even harder and louder. Moments later the porch light flashed over me. The door finally open revealing a exhausted and messy haired Kendall in nothing but wrinkled Billard Ball boxers. Damn I wanted to jump on him right then and there.

"Mariah, what are you doing here? It's two thirty in the morning," he said rubbing the sleep out of his tired red eyes. "You don't want to see me. I thought you _loved_ me," I slurred pouting. His eyes became softer and sweeter. "You know I do, it's just that. Come on it".

He helped me into his place. Ahh It was just like I remembered except it was actually clean this time. His mother must have came by and cleaned the whole place. I started to gently rub his stomach and kiss that spot on his neck sensually like I use to. He groaned a bit then stepped back arm length and shook his head. "What are you doing".

"I thought this was what you wanted. I thought you missed me. Us," I slurred sadden by his rejection. I suddenly smiled seductively. "Because I miss you and us. I miss making love with you". I connected our bodies together and roughly kissed his soft tender lips. He kissed back passionately then quickly pulled away with no eye contact once so ever. "You're drunk," Kendall simply said as he turned his back to me. I heard giggles escape my throat, those giggles suddenly turned to sobs. Sobs of hurt and depression.

"Hey. Hey. Don't cry baby. Okay," Kendall said rushing to my side pulling me into his strong protective arms. "I'm here okay. I'm always gonna be here". He began to pat my tangled messy hair softly. I just cried like I never cried before. Kendall always made me feel like I was secured with him. I've never felt so loved and protected, not even with my own parents, like I felt with him. I slowly pulled away and looked into his green loving eyes. I don't know if my drunkenness clouded my better judgement or made me speak nothing but the truth but I was about to confess something I would never do in my sober state.

"I really do love you Kendall and not just I care for you but I'm in love with you. I've never felt this way about any guy before or any person," I tearfully whispered touching his soft thin lips, "But I can't be with you. I'm too complicated and you deserve so much more. You're wonderful and smart and genuine. And I'm not". He tried to interrupt but I shushed him. "No let me finish. You're the greatest person I know and you need someone whose gonna give you what I know I can't. But I miss you and I'm tired of being alone and-" I couldn't even finish when I started to cry harder some more. I put my hands over my face ashamed as I sobbed even more. He held me so close I could feel our heart beats beep together in harmony. "Trust me Baby you're not alone. Come on," Kendall whispered lifting me up off the floor and gently dragging me in the direction of his bedroom.


	6. Wake Up

**_chapterFIVE._**

Waking up in Kendall's arms again had my stomach in completely twisted knots. It felt completely right and wonderful but on the other hand I just felt like if we are together I would just fuck him up and screw up whatever we have. And if I was going to lose him I rather lose him on my own terms instead of him figuring out he could do better. And he could, he was this amazingly perfect man without even trying and without even knowing.

My head pounded as I tried moving his lanky yet strong arms off of my curvy waist without waking him, but he stirred awake instead. His lightly stubbly chin scrapped across my shoulder as his lips gently kissed the nape of my neck. I turned around catching the light green of his eyes while he smiled stunningly at me with those pearly white teeth. His smaller soft lips tenderly kissed my fuller ones. "Good morning Beautiful".

I couldn't help but smile; he always made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl in the world even when I was a hot drunken mess. Every compliment was always genuine and truthful. That was one of my favorite things about him, his honesty. Even when I didn't want to hear it I knew I rather hear the ugly truth from him than a beautiful lie. Like the time he was helping me read lines for an upcoming audition that I had. He told me straight up that that role just wasn't for me and I should try for another role. Yes I hated him for a week for saying that but even though I hate telling him this but he was right. The role wasn't for and I found a project that was better suited for me and that challenged me. I never thanked him for that.

Kissing him back, I put my hand over my head and heavily whined indicating that I had a massive headache. He chuckled kissing my forehead then rising up for the bed. "Poor baby, I'll be right back," Kendall said scurrying into his bathroom containing too many hot and steaming memories for my hung-over head to bear to remember. Kendall came back with a glass of water and a hand tightly closed. Sitting on the edge of the bed he handed over the glass of water and unfolding his hand to give me two Advils. I put them in my mouth and swallowed them down with the water. "Hey you lay down for a while and I'll make you some breakfast". He kissed me while gently pushing down on to the bed.

I awoke to the sweet smell of Hazelnut coffee, my favorite, and the scent of Kendall's Irish Fresh soap, my other favorite. I stretched yawning and moved my legs off of his "organic" mattress. I honestly don't get how he can sleep on this skinny thing. Beautiful humming distracted my thoughts as I continued my way down the steps to see Kendall with his back turn towards the stove, dancing and humming to "My Girl". I giggled at his silly yet adorable dance moves. He must have heard me because he then swung quickly around with a shocked expression on his face and red on his cheeks. I smiled at his embarrassment; it was one of the cutest things about him. He had so many different sides to him that fascinated and intrigued me. At this moment I was seeing the cute and dorky side of Kendall, and I loved it.

"Mariah, I didn't think you would be up so soon," Kendall said breathless while laughing off his embarrassment. "Those Advils kicked right on in. I would love to stay for breakfast but I forgot I have to be on set in an hour," I stated sympathetically. Disappointment instantly grew on his face making my heartache for all the wrong reasons. "Umm yeah you can just get a rain check," he said trying to lift his own feelings up, "But maybe you could go to an award's show with me… You know as my date". Doubts clouded my mind all over again, too many doubts.

"Uh Kendall I… I just think that we need to think about this because I don't want-" Kendall's sarcastic chuckle interrupted me. "So we're doing this again," He bitterly spat at me while remorse filled my soul. "Kendall I-". "No you just go to work. Like you always do," Kendall said leaving towards his music room. I felt like the lowest person ever.

—-

So saying that work was stressful would be an understatement. Line after line I messed up. I couldn't even get into the character of Cassie today plus my scenes with Dylan had no chemistry at all. I was a huge fuck up today. Thank God for this break and this cigarette, I needed to clear my head. I stood amazed at process of the sun setting and it's beautiful splashing colors of Orange, Red, and Purple. It amazed me that in this beautiful colorful world filled with beautiful colorful people I was still alone. And I was the reason for my loneliness. "I thought we went over this already. Cigarettes are BAD for you," that voice snapped me out of my depressing thoughts. After I heard that voice I giggled to myself. Dylan.

"Hey Dylan," I said puffing out the gray smoke into the air, without even looking at him. He leaned suavely onto the rails of the balcony that I was resting my arms upon. "So what's up with you? You seem distracted today," Dylan whispered in my ear. Tears started to well up and escaped my eyes. I tried to keep it together but I just couldn't. He saw that and held me into his arms. I looked into his sweet hazel eyes and saw that he cared, he truly cared. I then looked at his lips and quickly but sloppily connected them to mine. In a nanosecond he pushed me away giving me a confused look that imitated my own. "What was that about," he questioned. I felt like a total idiot, a complete fool. "I-I just thought you liked me". "I do like you. Just not in that way," he must have seen the shame on my face. "Look you're a beautiful women, you are. It's just that I'm not attracted to women," Dylan said whispering his last words. WOW, he was gay, WOW. I would have never had guessed. "But why don't you want anyone to know," I questioned. "You know how Hollywood is. If the world found out that their "New British Heart Throb" was gay, my career would be over" he confessed to me. "Now lets talk about your troubles".

"So you're telling that you love this guy but you don't want to be with him," Dylan asked me dumbfounded as I just shrugged just as confused as him. "So why would you kiss me but push him away". I slapped my caramel colored hand towards my face but he had a point. Why was I pushing Kendall away but willing kissing another guy? "I don't know Dude. I guess I just know that Kendall is the right guy for me, and that scares the shit out of me," I confessed to him. It was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I was finally able to tell someone that and it felt great. But Kendall was still upset with me. "But it doesn't even matter because he hates me now". He grabbed my shoulders reassuringly. "Maybe he wouldn't hate you if you were honest with him and yourself. Let him in Mariah and if you get hurt at least you known that you risked it all for Love. Now go get him," He pushed me towards the door. I smiled and jogged to leave. "But Mariah, lose the cigarettes. You're too pretty for them".

—-

The sun had already set when I got to Kendall's place. The night sky was filled with beautiful bright stars. All those thousandths of stars were the thousands of reason why I loved Kendall and why this was the right choice. His condo's windows were dimmed with lights that were welcoming me in. I got close to his door and instantly heard Ed Sheeran softly playing inside. I almost started to knock on his door but something told me to just go in and for the first time in my life I listened to my heart. I fixed my curly hair a bit and silently turned the knob. You can't go wrong with surprising the one you love right?

I started to creep into his foyer and headed towards his living room and there I spotted his dirty blond head. I smiled to myself. I then seen a skinny hand wrap around his head and tug on his locks. My smile disappeared as I watched the guy I love heavily make out with some other girl. Those tears came back again. "K-Kendall," I choked as he turned around shocked and surprised. I looked at him and then to the bimbo he was slobbing down. Melissa. I looked back to him. How could he?

"Mariah".


	7. You'll Think Of Me

**_chapterSIX._**

Fuming mad I escaped towards my car as I fumble inside my purse for my keys. How could he do this to me. I finally decide to open up to him and he does this. And with HER! What the hell! I faintly heard him yell my name but escaping to my car is all I can focus on. My burning tears blurred my already faint vision as I stumbled into the newly black darkness. Those stars no longer lit my path. Instantly I feel strong arms spin me around. "Hey listen".

"DON'T TOUCH ME," I started to hit him with all my might but it wasn't doing any good, "Don't fucking touch me". I finally got a hold of his arms and pushed him away from me. He could see the tears in my eyes and I could see the pain in his. "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me. I thought you actually gave a shit about me". Kendall reached for my hand but I yanked it away causing him to cover his face with those same damn hands. The same hands he touched and caressed me with. Those same hands he held me with. And now those same hands he rubbed Melissa with.

Tears escaped his now dark olive green eyes and hit his pale cheek as he stared me down. "I DO love you Mariah but don't you think I get tired of waiting for you to stop playing these stupid ass games with me. I hate waiting for you to know that I'm not going to hurt you," I scoffed at that last comment.

"And this might sound selfish but I need someone now. Not whenever I'm available for your convenience," He spatted with frustration and hurt.

"I thought you guys were "Just Friends". I thought she meant nothing you," I spatted with just as much frustration and hurt.

"Well I mean something to her," He interjected raising his voice. "I don't have to sleep alone at night wondering if this will be my last lonely night. I don't have to wonder if this will be the day you finally let down your walls and finally belong to me like I belong to you. Melissa is there and she wants to be there for me".

I slowly clapped for dramatics. "Well I hope you two have a great fucking Hollywood ending". He finally got what he wanted but much to my disappointment it wasn't me. I wiped my last tears and walk towards the driver's side of my car. Before getting in I gave him one last look. Pain and Guilt clouded his eyes. I entered my vehicle, started it, and sped off with hatred on my mind and pain in my heart. Work was going to be an even bigger Bitch.

—-

"Wow you look terrible," Dylan asked as he sat down next to me with Samantha on his heels. "Gee thanks," I said, sarcasm filled my voice. They both crowded near me as I aggressively chopped my fork up and down playing with the lettuce in my salad. "How did it go with Kendall," he curiously asked looking at the frumpy gray sweat suit my body possessed. Him and Sam waited for my answer.

"Why don't you take a look over there," I nodded in the direction of a seemingly happy good-looking couple holding hands. His Blond hair shined in the sun and her Bleached Ombré styled hair was all in raged. They seemed like the perfect young Hollywood couple. The two walked distances away from us as they both smiled, Assholes. How could they be happy knowing that I'm hurt? How could Kendall be happy knowing that I was in pain? So much for dumb Love right?

"When did they get back together," Sam asked looking at me for an answer but all I could give her was a shrug. "Guys are jerks, who needs them anyway". From the tone in her voice I could tell this was in reference to Carlos more than Kendall. I continued playing with my salad more as they kept up the, as fans would call them, "Kenlissa" conversation. But my thoughts drifted back to Kendall. What would his fans have called us if they knew we were together? Kenariah? Marendall? And would they have even like us together? Melissa had the Number One Teen Drama in America. She was another one of Hollywood's "American Sweethearts" something I would never be. Magazine covers, Articles about her and Kendall, something I will never have. And to top it off she had movie roles coming and her sophomore album being released soon. Something I would never have, maybe some Indie film roles but never Hollywood Blockbusters like her. Sure I had guest starred on his show before but it was only one episode and I was James' love interest, not Kendall's. Could they even see us together or were we an odd couple?

"Don't worry I read lips. She just said 'I'll see you tonight Sweetie'," Dylan informed Sam and I. Was it just a date night or was she already staying the night with him? Girl Next Door my ass. As Melissa kissed Kendall goodbye and proceeded to leave, his direction drifted towards us. Sam and Dylan pretended to converse about our last episode for this season and if we would Kevin would want us to come back for another season. But my focus never left Kendall's and vice versa.

We stared each other down with too many mixed emotions, from Lust to Hate to Pain and now regret. We still wanted and needed each other but it still wasn't our time. Not yet.


	8. Brand New Love

**_chapterSEVEN._**

_six years later_

Here I was making my way through the busy streets of New York, hoping to study for this role of a lifetime. After being dubbed "The Princess of Indie Films", I decided to take my career up a notch. With this role I was guaranteed that this would get me out there commercially. My thoughts rushed back as my dark curls ruffling from the cold winter wind. In only three months of living here, I have developed a love hate relationship with New York. I love the honesty here; there were no fake illusion like there was with Hollywood or LA. But I hated feeling like I was just another guppy in this big sea of sharks. I was alone like always, but unlike before I was accustom to this feeling.

"Mariah," a familiar soothing voice called from behind me. Instantly turning around a much older, less blond, and muscular Kendall stood in front of me. The magic was still there but it shouldn't be. Especially since the last time I checked he was a married man. Married to Melissa in a big luxurious wedding covered by E! News and every other celebrity magazine known to America. I would have never taken Kendall as a man who would exploit his relationship for money, but being with someone, especially someone like Melissa, will eventually change you. I'm sure they're perfect for each other now.

"Hey. How's everything," I grinned and beared on the outside but my insides where just a mess. "Everything's cool, just here in NYC recording and writing," Kendall said shoving his long hands into his baggy blue ripped jean pockets. He's still wearing those baggy pants I see, somethings never changed. "So I seen your last movie, it was amazing. You were amazing. In it, I mean". Blushing from the compliment and the fact that he actually watched my latest work, I nervously tucked my dark curly hair behind my ear. "Thanks. I didn't think you would of seen that, I didn't think anyone would have seen it". His dimpled smile showed up while his eyes stared back at mine, right into my soul. He was still mine.

As we sat on the park bench watching the kids nearby on the crowded playground, my curiosity got the best of me. "So how's Melissa". He looked away with a pokerface. I wanted to read him but I just couldn't. "Um actually me and Melissa aren't together anymore. Uh our divorce was finalized in September," he affirmed not making any kind of eye contact once so ever. Damn, what the hell is wrong with me? I gently grabbed his cold hand with mine. "I'm so sorry I didn't know". He looked down at our hands connected. He smiled at them and then he smiled up at me, making my heart melt. "Well you know I'm ready for new beginnings. And living here will be a new start for _Us_". I looked at him confused. _Us_?

"_Daddy,_" I heard as a beautiful little chubby-faced girl ran over to us. As she ran her dimpled smile lit up as her golden locks flowed behind her. As she got closer Kendall sat up with open arms. When she ran into his arms and he kissed her the top of her head, it finally hit me. She was his daughter. Kendall had a daughter. With Melissa. And it shown all over her face with her heart-shaped head, brown wide eyes, and small button nose. The only thing she had of Kendall's was his smile and his blond hair. But she was gorgeous.

Standing there like an idiot, Kendall turned around and was all smiles. I could tell instantly this little girl was the apple of his eye and his proud possession. I never thought he could become anymore beautiful but I was wrong. As she clung to tightly to his stubbled face, I could tell he was her whole world too.

"Mariah this is my daughter," he introduced, "Marisol".


	9. Can't Let You Go

**_chapterEIGHT._**

"Mare this is Daddy's old friend Mariah. Be polite and say hi to her," Kendall said brushing the little blond girl's hair sweetly. Marisol shyly waved to me and quickly hid behind Kendall's tattoo-covered neck. A tattoo I've never seen on him before; a yellow sunflower with the letter M in the middle. M for Marisol, how sweet.

"I'm sorry, she's a little shy. Munchkin don't be rude " Kendall chuckled to his little angel and I had to too. She was the epitome of preciousness. "No it's fine," I smiled at her as she turned my way, "Hi Marisol. It's nice to me you". She repeatedly smiled but this time her smile was more at ease with me. Kendall put her back down to ground level. Marisol then began to run back to the crowded playground surrounded with kids.

Kendall nervously dug his hands into his pockets and smirked my way. "She's beautiful Kendall. How old is she," I asked enthusiastically. He smiled proudly looking down. "She's three. She's a handful but she's the love of my life". Warmly I nodded. "So is acting still your one and only love".

"No it's not," I giggled and shaking my head. Kendall's lite smiled instantly faded as he said mumbled the words 'Oh'. "No, no I'm not seeing anyone. I'm just opened to the idea of not being lonely anymore," I said as he gave a sigh of relief. He looked down as I spotted his left dimple deepening.

"Yeah I know what you mean. Besides Mare I have no other woman in my life," Kendall said slightly nibbling on his already nonexistent nails. I knew he was throwing out hints but I also knew Kendall and how he loved to be the one to make the first move. "I know we've lost contact for a while but I've missed you". Hearing those words were music to my ears, a song he wrote just for me. I've been missing him like crazy too.

"I've missed you too. A lot actually," I confessed to him barely whispering, a sunny smile indicating that he was flattered. "Mariah I know it's been a long time but maybe tonight we could catch-," before Kendall could finish we heard dreadful scream.

A glimpse of a little blond head laid upon the dirt below a slide. Before I could make out the mystery kid, Kendall darted in a speed I've never seen from him. I followed right behind him. He scooped up little Marisol, whose knee was bruised with a bleeding cut. Her tears began to flow in a steady pace as she cuddled between Kendall's neck. Her sobs began to become more audible.

"Look Mariah I'm going to take her home but maybe I can take you to dinner tonight," Kendall asked while soothing down Marisol gently. "Just type your number in and I'll call you later, okay," Kendall ordered but gently reassuring his 'okay'.

"Okay".

The sexual tension was very strong between Kendall and I, so strong I almost couldn't keep my legs from dropping. Dinner was fantastic and I got to know the Kendall that I missed out on for the past six years. God I missed him so much. The way his lips smirked as he listened to my snarky comments to the waitress who constantly flirted with him. Even the way his dimples had shown when we reminisced about old times with his friends. Or the way his green eyes lit up when he discussed Marisol and their many adventures together, like how she got ahold of a bright red crayon and scribble all over their hotel suite's white wall. We laughed and flirted together all through dinner, but a comfortable silence washed over us as we walked back to my apartment building. It was a silence that was mixed up of lust, older feelings and newer ones, and our chemistry that never dissipated. Our sneaky stares led to shy smiles, which led to Kendall sweetly entangling our hands together and pulling us closer to each other until we finally made it to my place.

"You can come up if you want".

Standing in this stuffy elevator alone with Kendall as our chemistry lingered in the air. Waiting for the button to shine onto the 17th floor. The buttons lit;**_ 3,4,_** and **_5_**. Kendall and I stares became more intense.

**_6…7…8…_**

My heart began to race and my adrenaline began to pump while my knees got weak. Just when I was about to collapse Kendall held me close to his lips and whispered to me. "Come here".

Kendall's thin pink lips smashed with my full plum stained ones in full force. For all those years apart our lips still fit perfectly together like two missing puzzle pieces. As he attacked my neck, his hands made their way down to my tight ruby velvet dress. He tugged at the hem of it, and lifted it up a bit towards my upper thighs. A satisfied moan escaped my throat as our lustful eyes met again and it wasn't shortly after that our lips did too.

**_10…11…12…_**

My fingers roamed all over Kendall's light colored locks and pull on them tight. He groaned slightly making me go crazy. But I pushed him back shocking him. "I start shooting next month," I confessed, "In Toronto. For six months". I wanted to be honest with him. Preparing for him to get frustrated with me, I let go of him as I tensed up in a dismal state. "What does that have to do with us," he asked as a smile began to form upon my face. "There's an us". He chuckled and pulled me towards him once more. "There will always be an us". Our lips began to connect reiteratively.

**_14…15…16…_**

When the button finally hit **_17_**, our lips were swollen; Kendall's face was smeared with plum colored lip marks, and my neck was completely covered in red and purple passion marks. While my fingers fumbled to find my keys and open my door, his lips once again attack my neck passionately that I almost feel to my knees. The door finally flew open. As we made our way inside Kendall roughly grabbed me, slamming me against the door, loudly shutting it.

Our lips once again met with each other roughly and lustfully. His hand harshly grabbed at my backside and thigh lifting up my leg as he hastily grinded with me. While his other hand gently caressed the side of my cheek. I started to nibble on his bottom lip while our bodies moved together in unison. I started to tug at his shirt and pull it over his head. I throw it carelessly over behind my purple sofa. Admirably staring down his half naked body I realized that the body that I use to know was completely different. It was now more toned and muscular. Before he only had three tattoos on this body now it seemed like he had thousands. Even through the sea of tattoos I could still seem to make out his pale milky skin. Completely aroused I began to push him towards my bedroom door.

"Wait Mariah," Kendall breathlessly whispered stopping us in our tracks. Confused and sexually frustrated I moaned 'Why'. He dug into his back pocket pulling out his green-covered iPhone. "Don't worry Babe. I just gotta call Dustin for a sec". His fingers pressed onto the phone, which seemed like an eternity. "Dustin. Hey Bro could you do me a favor and watch Mare for the night. Yeah Bro," He chuckled into the phone, "Watch it Dude. Alright thanks and I'll tell her". Kendall hung up the phone and sat it down onto my glass coffee table. "Dustin said Hi". Ignoring him I attacked him with a barrage of kisses and continued to push him towards my bedroom again. Ready for our night together.


	10. Yours

**_chapterNINE._**

_*Seven Months Later*_

Waking up to an empty bed was normally what I was accustom to so I wasn't surprised when I woke up to an empty bed the only difference was that I wasn't the owner of this enormous bed. I yawned rolling over to check the red numbers stamped onto the black clock. Eleven Oh Two.

Sniffing the wrinkled navy blue sheets, I could smell his powerful manly scent. Drowsily I smiled reminiscing on the activities that occurred on this bed the night before. After reuniting after our excruciatingly long six months apart Kendall surprised me with an exquisite candle lite dinner and a romantic picnic on the beach. He then drove me to his place where we had much needed time together to really reunite. My silly smile brightened just thinking about it.

"Hey Sleepy Head, I see you're finally up," a shirtless messy head Kendall glided in carrying a expresso colored tray filled with two plates surrounded with fruit and his famous "Schmidt McMuffins" upon them, with two cups of orange juices. Topped with a vase with one single daisy in it. I smiled seductively begging for him to return to bed with my eyes. He quietly sat beside me placing the tray above me. He then gently grabbed my hair and tangled his fingers into my curls, pulling me into his lips and softly sucked on my thick lips.

"So are we going to have dinner with Mare tonight," I asked as Kendall sucked gently on my mole-filled neck. "Are we?" I asked pulling Kendall's lips off of me. Confused I waited for his answer. He sighed giving me my answer. "You haven't even told her about us have you". He sighed repeatedly as I shook my head.

"Look Baby, I told Mare that you were my "special friend" but I didn't tell Melissa about you yet". Disgusted and sad I pushed the tray away and scooted from him. How could he tell his daughter about me but not her mother? He grabbed my arm but I yanked it away, avoiding any eye contact with him. "You know how she is. She's a drama queen and I just don't want to fight with her anymore," he said giving me a bullshit excuse. I still stood my ground and refused to look his way. "Baby it's not me it's her. I don't want her putting negative things inside Mare's head about you okay".

"Look Kendall it's not okay that your daughter knows your girlfriend without her mother's approval or knowledge. How would you like it if she introduced Mare to some guy you don't know? Huh," I asked giving him a taste of his own medicine.

"But she does know you". I gave him "the look", the look that told him I was not playing. "Okay! Look I'll tell her tonight when she drops Marisol over okay? But I warned you".

-xXx-

"Daddy," I heard the tiny soft-spoken voice yelled as Kendall opened the door. The small blond jumped right into his arms as he lovingly kissed her little head. I walked from out the TV room into his foyer revealing myself to the two blonds and the designer-clothed brunette, who I didn't want to piss off. "Ryah," Marisol smiled softly at me and I returned it back.

"Ryah? Well I see you haven't disappeared from Kendall's life. You just keep popping up huh? How do you know my daughter," Melissa asked facing Kendall waiting for him to answer. I could see the rage and annoyance rise in his once pale face.

Kendall grabbed my hand pulling me close to him. "Melissa, you remember Mariah? She's my girlfriend". Melissa put up her false white smile; that smile that I seen in an interview of hers once.

"Kendall can I speak to you in private? Now". She looked directly at me indicating for me to leave. Taking the hint I looked down at Marisol and sweetly said, "Marisol why don't we go into the other room". I heard Melissa chuckle. "Yeah why don't you do that".

-xXx-

"Don't you dare call her that," I heard Kendall yell as me and Marisol resided inside the TV room. "You can't control my life anymore Melissa. We're done".

"You always do this Kendall! This is why our marriage failed."

"There was never a marriage, it was an arrangement for your career remember?"

"Oh right! Like your career didn't benefit from it! Right Kendall! You're always SO right."

"This is Mr. Wuddles" Marisol showed me a stuffed caramel brown teddy bear. "He's my best friend, after Daddy. Daddy says when he and mommy fight I should hug Mr. Wuddles sooooooo tight. Like this". She began to do so, hugging the small bear nonchalantly. She must be use to this. Poor baby.

"Well does she know the real reason why our marriage failed?"

"That's none of your business."

"I guess that's a No."

"Melissa just go."

The real reason their marriage failed? What the hell was she talking about?

-xXx-

Seeing Marisol and Mr. Wuddles cuddled upon Kendall's thigh, lightly snoring was an adorable sight especially considering she was still clinging on to him.

"She loves that stupid bear to death," Kendall joked as he caught me staring at her, "I can't pull her away from it". I chuckled at Kendall's small ounce of jealousy towards a toy. I began playing with his dirty locks, twisting and twirling it.

"Do you guys always argue in front of her," I asked him concerned.

"It's kind of hard to have a civilized conversation with her," Kendall joked trying to ease the tension.

"We use to argue a lot too you know?"

"Yeah but I truly love you though."

"Why did you marry her then?"

"Because I couldn't have you."

I kissed his cheek softly.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered in his ear.

"It's not your fault Babe. You weren't ready," He reassured squeezing my hand, "But you're here now and that's all that matter." I smiled as our lips began to connect. Gently caressing his face, I felt his smile widen.

"This, right here, is perfect. I have my two favorite girls here and nothing can ruin that." And he was right the moment was incredibly perfect. Maybe just a little too perfect.


	11. Words Mean Nothing

**_chapterTEN._**

"She puts up with me for a start ha. But no she's just this great human being that exudes so much beauty from the inside that she just lights my whole world up, and that's how she inspired that whole song," my heart fluttered when Kendall spoke those words coming out of my television. "Plus she's extremely sexy". Laughing out loud I turned the volume up a notch as I started to wipe the streaks out of the screen door. "Well you heard it all hear about how actress Mariah Grant inspired Heffron Drive's new single, Light Me Up. And make sure you go buy the new single that's debuts today. That's the end of this episode of iNews," I muted the TV as the celebrity news correspondent closed the episode. A knock at the door echoed through the room. "Coming," I yelled as I ran to the door and unlocked the locks to open it.

I was met with a pair of big brown eyes that was. "Melissa, hey. What are you doing here," I asked rather surprised to see her. "Hey I came here to pick up Mare. I forgot that she has a dentist appointment tomorrow," she said as I moved out the doorway to let her in. Awkwardness suddenly surrounded us and tensed us both up. "Kendall took Mare to the Aquarium but you can stay here and wait for them. Do you want anything to drink or eat," I asked my boyfriend's ex wife and mother of his child. We were past the bitter words and angry stares but we were not near the friendly stage yet. We were just being mature for Marisol and Kendall's sake.

"Uh no thanks I'll just sit here and wait for them to return," Melissa said staring at her hands. I nodded and pressed the remote to turn up the volume. "We have the exclusive trailer for the new romantic comedy". Stills of an upcoming movie appeared on my screen. "Starring Selena Gomez and Melissa Steele. The comedy is set to appear in theaters early next year". I knew she had filmed a movie but I didn't know it was _this_ movie, it was said to be the best romantic comedy of next year and a certified box office hit.

"Congrats on your new movie. I heard it's suppose to be a smash hit," I congratulated. She pale cheeks turned into a tomato as she nodded. "Thanks". We both stared down in unison as the awkwardness resumed. It started to eat me up inside, so bad that I had to clear the air once and for all.

"Look I know things are not really great between us but I just hope we can be on friendly terms for Marisol and Kendall's sake," I offered a peace treaty. Taking a deep breath I waited for her response.

"Sure. I mean Mare adores you, and I rather have you in her life than some reckless party animal," She sighed with a bit of bitterness on the tip of her tongue. I shook my head in agreement.

"I adore her also".

After I spoke those words, the familiar silence filled the air. I guess we would have to get use to being around one another. Melissa bit the side of her lip as if she had something on her mind.

"Since we're being friendly with each other I fill as though I should tell you this or maybe it's none of my business but," She blurted out to me as a confused look came upon my face, "You should ask Kendall about Sadie. Sadie O'Day".

I opened my mouth to ask her who Sadie was but suddenly the front door opened, revealing Kendall with little Marisol on top of his broad shoulders.

"High Ho Diggity," Kendall yelled as he playfully pretended to fly Marisol in through the front door, "Watch your head Mare Bear". Marisol ducked as they came through. Kendall dropped his shopping bags at the front door before he put Marisol down as well.

"Hey Babe, I missed you all day," Kendall said before he took a look at Melissa, "Oh hey Mel. Uh I totally forgot that you were supposed to be picking up Mare at six. Sorry about that". He looked a little confused as to what we were talking about or arguing about.

"Mommy," Marisol yelled as she ran towards her mother. Melissa captured her into her arms and kissed her forehead. "Hey Mari, how was you day with Daddy," Melissa asked smiling with a light only a child could give you. Marisol started explaining her exciting day that included watching Fish and Penguins, seeing Whales, and petting baby sharks and stingrays. Kendall came over and wrapped his arms behind me, kissing my cheek lightly.

"Okay Mari say bye to Daddy and Mariah."

Marisol walked over and wrapped her arms around my thigh, hugging it.

"Bye Ryah. Love you."

I bent down and kissed her cheek, "Love you too".

She then ran into Kendall's arms.

"I love you Daddy."

Kendall kissed her forehead.

"I love you too Mare Bear".

Marisol ran towards the shopping bags and bundled them up into her tiny arms. Melissa turned towards Kendall and me.

"So I guess we can maybe catch up for some coffee or something," she offered me as I eagerly nodded my head.

"Totally," I smiled. She then looked in Kendall's direction.

"Kendall. I'll see you later."

"See you Melissa."

-xXx-

"When did you and Melissa become such good friends," Kendall asked me after Melissa and Marisol exited out the house. I just shrugged. "We decided that it would be best if we became friendly towards each other".

"Oh, that's cool," Kendall, said making his way over towards me pulling me close to him. His lips captured mine in a passionate kiss as he yearned for me. He put his all into the kiss but all I could think about was that name; Sadie O'Day. Kendall could tell, pulling back his face read confusion. "Baby what's wrong".

"I.. Um.. Who's Sadie," I stammered, afraid of the answer. After those words left my mouth, Kendall's arms dropped. "What," he asked flabbergasted

"Sadie O'Day? Who is she," I asked driven to find out this time.

"Did Melissa mention her?"

"She might have. So who is she?"

Kendall walked towards the couch and sat down. He then patted the seat next to him indicating for me to sit down. I reluctantly walked over and sat down next to him.

"Sadie. Sadie um is someone who I use to know."

"And."

"And she's just. She was just a fling. Nothing more okay."

"I thought you said there were no one else besides Melissa," I asked as my frustration began to grow.

"Uh," Kendall said as he looked down at his hands.

"Okay so you're a liar. So when did all of that happen?"

"If you wanna know if I cheated on Melissa, than yes."

"So you're a cheater too," I spat folding my arms and shaking my head.

"What does that have to do with us though?"

"It doesn't. It just sucks to know that the man that you love is a cheater," I calmly said getting up and heading to the stairwell.

"That doesn't make me a bad person," Kendall yelled towards me craving for us to stop fighting and reconcile.

"Whatever Kendall," I yelled back running up towards our bedroom.

I know he didn't cheat on me and I know he never really loved Melissa but something didn't feel right with this whole Sadie O'Day situation. And I was going to find out what was up.


	12. Questions

**_chapterELEVEN._**

Sadie O'Day. I typed those words onto Google, waiting for the results. She had an IMDB page. And from the information I had gathered she was a model signed to Ford Models. She starred in countless music videos including one of Heffron Drive's singles. That's probably where Kendall met her. I know I am being the typical jealous girlfriend but this has been killing me inside for the last two days. What if she was more than just a "fling"? What if Kendall wasn't honest with me? This nagging feeling was eating me alive and I didn't know how to fix it.

I slammed the laptop shut and placed it on the nightstand beside our bed. I heard footsteps coming so I quickly turned myself away from the door and laid quietly awaiting Kendall's appearance. The door slowly creaked opened and I felt his warm presence. Silence filled the air as I pretended to be sleep. A few sounds were heard and then the bed shook a bit. Startlingly his arms wrapped around my body and his lips brushed my cheek. I brushed him away. "Kendall stop".

"Come on Baby. I'm sorry I lied; it's just that I didn't want you to get like this. That girl meant nothing to me. You mean everything to me. You always have and you always will," He pleaded with me but I didn't budge. "Babe it's been two days. You're killing me here". Still nothing. He directed his face towards me with his best pout. "Mariah I know you wanna forgive me," I folded my arms and retained my previous position. "Okay you wanna play hardball. Come here". Kendall began to tickle me crazy.

"Stop! Stop Kendall!" my shouts quickly morphed into laughter. "Okay! Okay! I forgive you". He loosened his grip on me and pecked my button nose. I started to smooth my shirt back down that was way above my belly button. I sat back up against our pillows and folded my arms. "I'm still mad at you".

"Mariah, come on. You're the only woman for me. You're my number one. You know that," Kendall sternly assured. "Look what do I have to do for you to trust me".

"Start telling me the truth. Everything," I told him.

"Fine Babe, I'll tell you whatever you want know".

-xXx-

That night Kendall told me everything I wanted to know. According to him, both him and Sadie met at one of his video shoots. Things at home with Melissa were chaotic. According to him all they did were bicker and fight and Sadie was a nice escape from that. It was nothing serious nor romantic, just strictly lust. A part of me was relived yet I couldn't fight this uneasy feeling about this whole Sadie situation. I wanted to ask him more but what more could I ask. He said it wasn't serious and that should be enough. But it wasn't.

"Sunshine I'm going to miss you okay and Daddy loves you kid," Kendall kissed Marisol's pale forehead as we along with Dustin stood in a crowded airport. Heffron Drive was heading out to go on a two-week promotional tour for their new album while Melissa was busy on her own promotional tour, which left me a Marisol all alone for a whole week. I was nervous I haven't taken care of a kid in almost fifteen years. What if I messed up?

Marisol lip began to quiver. "But Daddy, I don't want you to go. Please don't go." Tears began to stream down her chubby cheeks as Kendall's eye began to well. He bent down to her tiny level and held her so tight in his sweet fatherly embrace. I cherished seeing them together in those precious moments. He was the best father I'd ever seen; he was sensitive, attentive, and protective. He embodied everything a father was supposed to be. While he wiped her tears and comforted her, I hugged and gave my farewells to Dustin.

"Come here," Kendall reached out to me grabbing me into his warm arms. "Take care of her please," I nodded assuring him that everything was going to be okay, "What am I saying I know you will. I love Babe and I'll be back next Friday. So don't miss me too much," he joked as I brought him to my lips. We embraced each other as our lips connected with what felt like forever.

As we turned around we could see Dustin covering Marisol's eyes. We all let out a chuckle, as Mare stood there confused and unaware of the joke. The announcer called out their gate number and Kendall's face dropped.

"That's us. I'm going to go get our bags Dude," Dustin said as he patted Kendall's back and waved to both Mare and I.

Kendall turned to us and sighed. He bent down and picked Marisol up in his arms. "Mare Bear you take good care of Mariah okay," Kendall said kissing her on the top of her head. She nodded still sadden by the departure of her hero. Kendall then made contact with me. "I love you". He kissed my lips and then handed me Mare. He hugged us both until Dustin called him to tell him it was time to board. Marisol and Kendall waved to each other until he disappeared into the sea of people. It was going to be a long two weeks.

-xXx-

"Will you be my new mommy," Marisol asked as I pushed her down the cereal aisle in Whole Foods, her feet kicking along the rhythm of the cart's squeaky wheels. That was one thing Kendall and Melissa had in common, their love of Organic Foods and making sure Mare was instilled with that love too.

"Umm," I stuttered for the right words, "You already have a mommy remember". I playfully poked her little nose as she giggled. She was in a way better mood than she was two days ago.

"No I mean my second mommy you know when you and Daddy get married," she said matter-of-factly. I was lost for words. Yes I loved Kendall but marriage? We never even had that conversation before. He was the one for me for sure but I never thought about marriage for us at all. Matter of fact I wasn't sure if I wanted to get married at all. So how was I going to get out of this? What can I say?

"Mare I'm your special friend and I'll always be there for you no matter what. Okay?"

She nodded and went back to kicking her feet but this time humming a tune along with it. This kid definitely had my heart.


End file.
